fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
