shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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