I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
