Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
