I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
