haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
