You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize