just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
