pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
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