It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
