we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
