she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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