I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
