Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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