you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
