I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
That's when you crack a 10am beer
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize