I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
