Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
