please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
