Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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