He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I love you. Go after that dick
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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