he wants to bone in the snuggie
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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