ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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