I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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