The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
