Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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