Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
No stitches, just platelets and will power
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
