Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
