So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
