can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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