i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i think i have herpe
just one?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Randomize
