And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
