He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
