I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
