Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
you inspire me to be a worse person
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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