I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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