I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
