i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I need to sanitize my soul.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
