soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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