what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
