Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
