Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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