WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
