i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
You smell like a Billy Joel song
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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