I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
