Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
