me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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