69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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