Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
