he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I can't turn off my feet"
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
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