Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
