I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
