dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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