I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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