So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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