that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize