She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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