remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
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