my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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