I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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