Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
