I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
