I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
