well I can't set my house on fire every night
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
