I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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