my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
