You're completely useless in the revolution.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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