It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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