I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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