PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
