Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
