You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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