So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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