oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Randomize
