I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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