Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
